Want a more engaged workplace? Be more engaging.
Make a crucial decision. Will you stand, or will you dance?
The opposite of hope is not despair, it’s cynicism. And my own research just offered a breakthrough understanding–this dangerous distraction begins sometime around age nine.
Every Friday in my son’s school, there’s a dance party in the hallway before the morning bell. Students can choose to attend the dance party or go outside to the playground. But a group of 3rd graders has discovered a third option–stand near the dance party with crossed arms until the song ends, and then offer negative criticism. “Dance like nobody's watching” must have roots in the pain of being judged by a 9-year old girl.
When my son told me that some kids had suggested he was a bad dancer, I nearly fell into two traps. First, I wanted to let him in on a favorite mantra from Andy Frasco to T-Swift, “Don’t let the haters get you down.” Then momentarily, I wanted to contact the school and forcefully suggest they ban the third option of lurking–either dance or go outside. But then I realized all of these reactions are distractions from the real opportunity at hand.
“Hey buddy,” I said calmly with a smirk, “I think you have a gift you can share.”
I illustrated his situation with an image we called joy. Joy is a shiny green ball of light that people who choose to dance in the hallways carry with them. And rather than hiding your joy and protecting it from people who want to dull that light, the most hopeful perspective is to recognize how sharable joy might be. Instead of painting the cynics as a threat wanting to “pull you down,” what if you viewed them as future dance partners just waiting to be invited up?
We fall into the wrong trap so often as adults. When we paint others as our enemies, or as people who want to pull us down, we miss the opportunity for critical feedback. When it feels like everyone is in a bad mood about a new initiative, we either join the crowd of cynics or push them away. But what if we rejected the idea that people are trying to pull us down at all?
If you want to be in a more engaging workplace, be more engaging. Recognize emotional traps that pit people against each other rather than focusing on a bigger goal that matters to customers. Notice the moments of joy that you have access to, and be brave enough to share them with others. This can be as simple as saying yes to a dance party. But it also happens when you share a helpful article, ask a powerful question, throw a birthday breakfast, or celebrate a colleague’s sales goal.
Inviting people up rather than fighting not to let them pull you down also matters when things are difficult. It’s asking for critical feedback rather than working alone to perfect a flawless idea. It’s knowing when your partners are going to be disappointed by a decision, and communicating clearly with them anyway.
It’s hard to be curious with your arms crossed. It’s easy to be judgemental when you think the haters are everywhere, always working to kick them off your hot air balloon. But your basket is big enough for everyone to float up a bit more. Ask people to join you, and stay interested in their moments of joy. It just might change the world. In fact, I believe it’s all that ever has.
